Not ready for this

This weekend I realized something, something that I have been noticing for a few months now but never wanted to admit was actually happening. My 6 year old is growing up. Duh, you say? Well, it isn't the growing up that bothers me so much, as it is the growing away. I thought I had a few more years before he would pull his hand away if I tried to hold it, wouldn't run with wild abandon into my arms when I asked for a hug, would answer me with one syllable phrases. Now, he still calls for me when he gets hurt, even though kissing the owies isn't needed anymore. He still wants a big hug and kiss before bed, still gives a huge smile when I pick him up from school, and I am learning to appreciate these small things more and more. I take all the cuddles and sweetness for granted most of the time. Today I spent most of the day holding or cuddling with at least 1 of my other two boys. Luckily they are cuddlers by nature anyway, so perhaps their growing away will come later. A mom can dream, right? Now I know this is all part of their growing up and growing into independent, confident young adults. They might not need as many hugs as they used to, but they do need to know that I am always here, ready and willing to give one when they need it. It is hard to transition into that role, the role of taker rather than giver. The role of the hugee rather than hugger, but again, I know it is part of life. I just thought I had a few more years.

Now, on the other side of that coin, my kids are still kids when you boil it all down. This morning Dominic (4) was up at 4:30. I think he went to the bathroom and then had a hard time falling back to sleep. Anyway, I went up and layed down with him which usually helps him either fall asleep or at least rest for a little while longer. I don't mind at all, watching my kids sleep is one of my favorite mommy rights. As I lay there listening to my oldest two children breathe and snore I was reminded of yet another thing about Anthony that makes me smile. He laughs in his sleep. He has done it for a few years now and it is simply hilarious! But what struck me today was that whatever he was dreaming about was making him happy. I really enjoyed that. He was having a good dream and would wake up with all those happy laughing feelings. And he did.

I hope you all have happy dreams that make you laugh, even if no one is there to hear you.