So, if you have kids than you know they are brutally honest.
If you don’t have kids you might be aware of this as well. For instance,
this morning while watching Ace Venture Pet Detective with the kids I was
laughing at something and Dom goes “your teeth are kinda yellow.” Now, I
am well aware of this, but adults know enough to keep these types of comments
to themselves. Kids, not so much. So now, all because my 6 year old
said something, I am completely self-conscious about my smile whereas before I
was happy to live in denial while the adults around me continued to pretend my
smile was nothing but perfectly white. (Time out to make sure my Crest
White Strips are staying in place).
This brutality I
speak of can also be used for good, however. Case in point, I come down
all gussied up for church and the same 6 year old who pointed out my lack of
dental hygiene now says “wow mommy, you looks really pretty.” So you see,
it is a double edged sword. One minute I am an ogre with bad teeth, the
next a princess ready for the ball. How is a mom supposed to deal with
this?! But, I have to say, I am grateful for my children’s honesty.
They have no reason to hold back, no reason to think that by telling me my
teeth are yellow I will shun them or stop talking to them as I might if say,
Joe, told me the very same thing. (Again, I am well aware of my yellow
teeth, but if you point it out and you are older than 8, get ready for the
silent treatment.)
I employ my
children’s honesty a lot when making my crafty things. Often they will
say something while I am in the midst of creating. It could be a simple,
“that looks cute, what is it going to be?” Or, “is that supposed to be a
hat, because it doesn’t looks like one.” It can be very helpful.
Also it can cause me to put down a project never to pick it back up
again. Later I will find this project wadded up at the bottom of a bag
and think, what was this supposed to be? My kids are usually spot on with
their critiques. I would highly suggest more artists use this method to
help with their process.
One area I don’t
ever encourage this honesty is when it comes to my cooking. Now let me
preface by saying, I am not a great cook. I am also not a terrible
cook. Joe might like to add that usually when I make something from a
recipe I am almost always short one ingredient and therefore must be creative
and substitute something else. He thinks this is funny. He might
also point out that even with a list I always forget one thing at the grocery
store. So, let’s get back to my cooking. Since I am neither a
gourmet chef nor a frozen dinner type mom I am very self-conscious about my
cooking. I am a pretty good baker, if I do say so myself, but sometimes
the main dishes elude my sensibilities. If it is a dish I myself have
never had than I am not really sure how it should taste and therefore when my
kids start to gag I don’t know if it is just simply kids being kids or if it is
truly gag-worthy. Regardless, I am utterly offended. There are less
than a handful of non-nugget or macaroni based meals that my kids actually
like. I make these meals often simply to get the kudos I so desperately
long for.
Another area that
has brought me to tears is my cleaning. Again, I am not Martha Stewart,
but I do my best and no one has contracted the plague from my housekeeping
skills, so there. Once again my 6 year old (I am sensing a pattern with
him) pointed out a smallish bit of crumbs on the breakfast table and said in
about as snarky a voice I have ever heard from any of my kids, “ew, I am not
eating here, the table is gross!” And this is when I burst into
tears.
It might appear to
some that my kids are hyper-critical. Nope, they are just kids. I
am reminded of when my oldest was almost two and we were visiting my brother in
West Virginia as Christmas. It was cold there, everyone was bundled up,
something we don’t see a lot out here in San Diego. We were in a coffee
shop and there was a larger lady in a red jacket sitting with her back to us
having her coffee innocent as can be. My two year sees her and says
“look, Santa!” Thank goodness she didn’t hear, although I know many
friends who have been in similar situations where the person definitely
heard. All you can do is skulk away in shame, but you can’t really
reprimand you kids for pointing out the obvious, can you? I mean,
it is like the yellow teeth thing, it is true, everyone knows is, but just because
no one ever says anything, does it make it wrong when my kid finally
does? Perhaps that one statement will be what pushes “Santa” to get a gym
membership, you never know. Of course we do talk about keeping our
thoughts to ourselves and never pointing (that is impolite, although I am still
not quite sure why), and remembering people’s feelings. But with kids,
saying someone is big isn’t said to make them feel bad, it is simply a
statement. Now, there is a shift when this suddenly turns on its heels
and then it IS said to make someone feel bad. I am not sure when this
shift takes place exactly, and it might be different with each kid, so I am
keeping a keen eye out for clues. I suspect when instead of simply saying
“that person is fat” becomes “hey Dom, look at Shamu over there,” and there is
a lot of nudging and chuckling I will have a pretty good idea.
If you are reading
this and don’t have kids yet, please don’t let this deter you. Kids are
amazing and it is their brutal honesty that makes them so. Kids are designed
to see the world as purely as possible. It is a gift we all lose, like
the ability to learn any language easily. Don’t squelch it. Cry in
secret if their yellow teeth comments hurt you, but don’t take away their
wide-eyed wonder, until, of course, there is chuckling and nudging, then nip it
in the bud.
