If time between posts is an indication of what my life has been
like in recent months than I assume you can imagine that sometimes raising
three boys can get a tad overwhelming. Or perhaps I just got lazy, or
maybe it was a little bit of both. Whatever the cause, I am here now, so
high five for small victories, right?
This past week I
actually cleaned the entire house, well, all the parts that really matter like
bathrooms and bedrooms and kitchens (we only have one, don’t start any rumors)
in one day! It was miraculous. I planned on cleaning only the
upstairs and once I got going I couldn’t stop, I was a machine, a
well-caffeined cleaning machine. And then the kids came home from school
and I was reminded why I hate doing all that work in one day. It almost
always gets right back to the way it was that very same day. And there’s
no one to blame. People have to live here, kids have to eat, and
bathrooms have to get used. But it is discouraging spending 5 hours
cleaning only to have it all done in within minutes. I get grumpy and
snap at the kids and my husband and no one likes me when I am like that, least
of all me! So, let’s just say that I have not been at my best this
week.
I am far from
perfect and have been reminded many times lately just how far I have to
go. I wish I could take 3 D snapshots of the moments in my day that make
me tear up or make my heart melt, the moments when my kids are playing together
without fighting, the moments when they snuggle with me for no reason, the
moments when they make the right decision about cleaning up a mess they made.
But unfortunately I can’t do that and find it hard to remember them at all when
I lose my temper or get caught up on my own thing I want to do and wonder why
they are running around like monkeys when all they want is for me to spend a
little time with them. It isn’t rocket surgery, as a good friend once
said. Kids aren’t hard to understand. They may be hard to handle at
times, but all they really want is someone to spend time with them, talk to
them, laugh with them, snuggle them when they are sad or hurt or just cold, and
be there for them. But so often as stay at home moms we get too
distracted by the other things we have to do. There is always something
else, whether it’s dinner, or dishes or laundry or shopping. But unless
you haven’t done those things in months, they can wait while you spend a few
minutes with your kids. I mean, why are we staying home in the
first place? So the laundry can get done at 2 pm instead of 7 pm?
No, we made a choice to stay home so we could be there for our kids, so we could
see them when they walk through the door after school and get them a
snack. We chose to stay home so that when they get hurt or sick at school
we can pick them up and make them feel better right away. We made the
choice to stay home so that we could have the most time possible with them
before they grow up and don’t need us in the same ways anymore. I all too
often forget that they will do just that, grow up and leave. I want them
to do that, don’t get me wrong! I hope I am raising them to be confident
and courageous and kind and wonderful additions to this world. But right
now, they are my kids, the little people who often make me crazy, always make
me smile, love to make me laugh, and bring me the most joy.
So why, then, do I
spend so many hours feeling like I have been run over by a truck, and acting
like it as well? I don’t know. Of course I am human. I don’t
claim to be anywhere near perfect, but I wish I felt more like a supermom than
I do. I know I can’t be supermom because I know she doesn’t really
exist. The moms who seem to have it all together will all tell you that,
they too, have their moments, or hours, or days, or even weeks where they
haven’t folded a single piece of laundry, not one bed has been made, and they
can’t remember if any of their children have been bathed. But that
doesn’t stop them from trying to be better. I love when my life runs like
a well-oiled machine, but when that happens I tend to forget about the little
things and spend more time bossing and snapping than I do snuggling and
laughing. I want to spend the most time snuggling and laughing and not
worrying about the sticky kitchen floor or the dishes that need to get put
away. I am lucky to have a floor and dishes in the first place! And
I am even luckier to have my three amazing children. As I listen to them
laughing in the other room right now, playing some silly video game, I feel so
content. I will finish this post and go sit and watch them rather than
clean up dinner. The dishes aren’t going anywhere, but the kids, they
are. I only hope that on the day they do leave that they will drive away
feeling ready to face the world but also have a tear in their eye as they think
about what they are leaving behind. I want them to remember their time
growing up as some of the best times of their lives, because it sure is turning
out to be some of the best of mine.
